inbox for victory_road

[onebetter]

username: LT.Griffin

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Comments

[marmoron]

dude
are you drunk what are you talking about
why is this so complicated

[onebetter]

I'm questioning my own sobriety now but considering I didn't have anything but water today? No, not drunk.

It's complicated because I'm making it complicated. Give me five minutes and I'll write it out coherently.

[marmoron]

ok
where are you exactly?

[onebetter]

Mahogany Town. Just got here yesterday, after a long week in a cave system.

[marmoron]

ok. warping over there.
stay where you are.

[onebetter]

[ Oh god. Oh god, really now. Now he'd like to get drunk, just to not deal with the humiliation.

But no. He's not a coward and he won't hide. ]

You don't even know where in Mahogany I am.

I'm coming to the Pokémon Center to spare you the search.

[marmoron]

fine
i'll be there in 10

[and more or less exactly on time, keith turns up at the mahogany town pokemon center with his houndoom in tow. time to look for a familiar possibly inebriated face.]

[onebetter]

[ James is there, waiting just by the entrance. Lilly is with him, faithful as always. The others have been banned to their Pokéballs temporarily to avoid a chaotic scuffle with Keith's team, should this go south some way.

James himself looks definitely not inebriated but kind of exhausted. He's been kind of exhausted since he arrived here, but he's extra exhausted now because caves are a lot but also because this Keith deal is eating him.

He raises a hand in greeting. ]

Hey. You're really going to make me outline my emotional baggage in person, huh?

[marmoron]

[buddy walks over to lily to sniff her in greeting. tragically, it's a lot friendlier than keith's greeting for james.]

More like I was trying to make sure what you were saying wasn't some existential cry for help. I can leave if you'd rather not talk in person.

[onebetter]

[ Seeing that the trainers are at least being civil right now, Lilly has no problem greeting Buddy in her usual enthusiastic style. Maybe if she just shows her trainer how to make friends, it'll even help somehow!

James meanwhile shakes his head. ]

No, it's fine. I'm fine, too. Just to make that clear. I was caught off guard and ended up being a bit too honest, I guess.

[ He sighs, deeply. ]

Let's start over. Thank you for the gifts. I was surprised, but pleasantly so.

[marmoron]

[the skepticism on keith's face remains etched on.]

You're welcome.

[but it looks like he's reached the end of his willingness to have this conversation at james' pace.]

Look. I don't know how else to say this, so I'll just put it out there that you're starting to remind me of me from back in middle school. Keeping to yourself all the time. I know you weren't like this back home during the war, too. You still hung out with your friends there. [a beat.] Not that we're friends -- I get it. You don't want to start over and that's fine. But why push everyone else away? Sure you're not gonna remember this place when you leave, but what's the point in being miserable by yourself while you're here?

[onebetter]

[ ... and that's a lot. A lot all at once. Momentarily, James just looks stunned. He's not really catching up with this new communicative and helpful Keith. This Keith who is just... a good person, even when James isn't inviting him to be. Arguably a better person to James now than James had ever been to Keith, even when he was trying.

That's so bizarre. All of this is so messed up. ]

Is this what you felt like when I tried to befriend you in sixth grade? No, scratch that, probably not, but... wow.

[ He runs a hand through his hair flop, exasperated with himself more than anything. ]

Though back up a second. I do want to start over, I'm just sabotaging myself. Which... feels weird to say. I really am the conflicted feelings loner now, huh?

[marmoron]

No, I wanted you to piss off back in sixth grade.

[he sighs, speaking in more neutral tones as he moves away from the warp tile.]

It wasn't your fault. Not at first, anyway. [he shakes his head.] But if that's how you feel, guess it's my turn to start calling you "emo kid" ?

[onebetter]

Hey. I never called you that.

[ That's his one pride point with regards to their middle school dynamic, even in this moment of emotional turmoil he won't let it be undermined! ]

If you insist on reversed position, you'll have to get your friends to call me it and never say anything against it, but also consistently use my actual name yourself.

[marmoron]

[raised eyebrow.]

...and you're correcting me on that because it's a point of pride for you that you actually called me by name?

[onebetter]

It's not like I have a lot of others considering how badly I treated you.

[marmoron]

[that's just getting this expression.]

Okay. I'm gonna stop you right there before you start congratulating yourself over low bars.

[a beat.]

So why are you making things complicated?

[onebetter]

[ James looks over to Lilly, off jumping around Buddy, as if she might be able to help him phrase this. A futile hope, of course. She is still a dog, even if an amazing one.

Alright then. It's on James now. ]

Making a long and whiny story short... I would really like to start over with you. With everyone. But a part of me is convinced that by doing so I'm giving up what I've got left of my life and it's making this way harder than it reasonably should be.

[marmoron]

[buddy, for his part, seems to be taking lily's enthusiasm in stride before settling down and growling softly -- evidently, even the doggos have some catching up to do. keith pays them no mind, his focus on james alone.]

Okay. I'm not following. What are you giving up?

[onebetter]

Nothing of value.

[ He shrugs lightly, trying in vain to diffuse the situation by giving it a casual air. Baring his soul to anyone is already bad enough, doing it to Keith feels, against better knowledge, like signing his own death sentence. ]

Just... identity, I guess. The person I've been up to now, the things I've clung to. I know that stuff isn't really worth this degree of protection, but... it feels like betraying the last few years to let go.

[marmoron]

[there's silence for a long moment. keith's eyes narrow.]

Because deep down you really do blame me and the others for what happened to Earth, huh.

[onebetter]

No, that's not--- That's not it.

I feel guilty being here and having any sort of fun when I haven't been able to save anyone yet. That's all it is. Promises of 'you'll do it in the future' are fine and all, but my brain isn't catching up. I still feel like I'm on vacation while I'm leaving my friends and family to starve on waning rations.

If I start over here, I've left my post. For good.

[ A sigh. He's looking at the dogs again, because that's easier. ]

I told you over text that it's pathetic, but hopefully you believe me now that I'm not saying that out of drunk stupor. It just is.

[marmoron]

[...ah. of course it'd be that. this is a feeling they shared before he fell asleep and woke up older and with more memories crammed into his head. keith stays quiet for a longer moment, though his expression shifts from vaguely accusatory to contemplative.]

I get that. It was the first time I ever found you relatable and all.

[he, too, looks away and towards buddy and lily with his arms folding.]

... but you should know that the feeling of betrayal? I don't know if it'll ever really go away, even after you know the war's over. It's just.. on a different scale, I guess.

[onebetter]

[ James huffs in empty amusement. ]

Well, at least that's an honest prognosis.

[ You can count on Keith to never be overly optimistic and right now, that's a blessing. ]

I was suspecting as much, to be honest. A war of this scale seems like it should impossible to bounce back from.

[marmoron]

That's not what I meant. So long as it exists, the universe will always keep moving forward. People will always persevere and heal from the scars of the past whether you're there or not.