inbox for victory_road

[onebetter]

username: LT.Griffin

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[onebetter]

[ ... and that's a lot. A lot all at once. Momentarily, James just looks stunned. He's not really catching up with this new communicative and helpful Keith. This Keith who is just... a good person, even when James isn't inviting him to be. Arguably a better person to James now than James had ever been to Keith, even when he was trying.

That's so bizarre. All of this is so messed up. ]

Is this what you felt like when I tried to befriend you in sixth grade? No, scratch that, probably not, but... wow.

[ He runs a hand through his hair flop, exasperated with himself more than anything. ]

Though back up a second. I do want to start over, I'm just sabotaging myself. Which... feels weird to say. I really am the conflicted feelings loner now, huh?

[marmoron]

No, I wanted you to piss off back in sixth grade.

[he sighs, speaking in more neutral tones as he moves away from the warp tile.]

It wasn't your fault. Not at first, anyway. [he shakes his head.] But if that's how you feel, guess it's my turn to start calling you "emo kid" ?

[onebetter]

Hey. I never called you that.

[ That's his one pride point with regards to their middle school dynamic, even in this moment of emotional turmoil he won't let it be undermined! ]

If you insist on reversed position, you'll have to get your friends to call me it and never say anything against it, but also consistently use my actual name yourself.

[marmoron]

[raised eyebrow.]

...and you're correcting me on that because it's a point of pride for you that you actually called me by name?

[onebetter]

It's not like I have a lot of others considering how badly I treated you.

[marmoron]

[that's just getting this expression.]

Okay. I'm gonna stop you right there before you start congratulating yourself over low bars.

[a beat.]

So why are you making things complicated?

[onebetter]

[ James looks over to Lilly, off jumping around Buddy, as if she might be able to help him phrase this. A futile hope, of course. She is still a dog, even if an amazing one.

Alright then. It's on James now. ]

Making a long and whiny story short... I would really like to start over with you. With everyone. But a part of me is convinced that by doing so I'm giving up what I've got left of my life and it's making this way harder than it reasonably should be.

[marmoron]

[buddy, for his part, seems to be taking lily's enthusiasm in stride before settling down and growling softly -- evidently, even the doggos have some catching up to do. keith pays them no mind, his focus on james alone.]

Okay. I'm not following. What are you giving up?

[onebetter]

Nothing of value.

[ He shrugs lightly, trying in vain to diffuse the situation by giving it a casual air. Baring his soul to anyone is already bad enough, doing it to Keith feels, against better knowledge, like signing his own death sentence. ]

Just... identity, I guess. The person I've been up to now, the things I've clung to. I know that stuff isn't really worth this degree of protection, but... it feels like betraying the last few years to let go.

[marmoron]

[there's silence for a long moment. keith's eyes narrow.]

Because deep down you really do blame me and the others for what happened to Earth, huh.

[onebetter]

No, that's not--- That's not it.

I feel guilty being here and having any sort of fun when I haven't been able to save anyone yet. That's all it is. Promises of 'you'll do it in the future' are fine and all, but my brain isn't catching up. I still feel like I'm on vacation while I'm leaving my friends and family to starve on waning rations.

If I start over here, I've left my post. For good.

[ A sigh. He's looking at the dogs again, because that's easier. ]

I told you over text that it's pathetic, but hopefully you believe me now that I'm not saying that out of drunk stupor. It just is.

[marmoron]

[...ah. of course it'd be that. this is a feeling they shared before he fell asleep and woke up older and with more memories crammed into his head. keith stays quiet for a longer moment, though his expression shifts from vaguely accusatory to contemplative.]

I get that. It was the first time I ever found you relatable and all.

[he, too, looks away and towards buddy and lily with his arms folding.]

... but you should know that the feeling of betrayal? I don't know if it'll ever really go away, even after you know the war's over. It's just.. on a different scale, I guess.

[onebetter]

[ James huffs in empty amusement. ]

Well, at least that's an honest prognosis.

[ You can count on Keith to never be overly optimistic and right now, that's a blessing. ]

I was suspecting as much, to be honest. A war of this scale seems like it should impossible to bounce back from.

[marmoron]

That's not what I meant. So long as it exists, the universe will always keep moving forward. People will always persevere and heal from the scars of the past whether you're there or not.

[onebetter]

You sound like a fortune cookie.

[ The line comes out before he can stop himself and think better of it. ]

Okay, no, seriously. Thanks. I've got a lot to figure out, but I think I'm ready to actually start doing it.

[marmoron]

[his tone is bone dry.]

Do I? Good to know that helping thousands of aliens rebuild their worlds would only amount to me sounding like a cheap cliche in Chinese takeout. I'm leaving.

[onebetter]

[ You insisted on coming in the first place James wants to protest but that's not in the spirit of rebuilding his bridges. Goddamn. ]

Wait. If you already warped here, can I buy you a meal? Belated Christmas present or something.

[marmoron]

Why? So you can patronize me for a little longer?

[onebetter]

[ James is instantly not sure anymore if building bridges is actually worth it, but he's on this track now and it may be his best chance. Time to bite into the sour apple. ]

No, to get to know you again. Properly. Politely, I promise.

[marmoron]

[his expression has "DOUBT" written all over it, but:]

Fine. But only if you tell me why you have an allergy to just saying you're sorry.

[onebetter]

... I'm going to actually need a drink for that.

[ That comment is mumbled more under his breath than anything. Then there's a pause and James feels a little like he's preparing for an execution, but it's fine. Probably. ]

I am sorry. I always feel like actions are better than words in this regard, but... I probably just hate being wrong.

[marmoron]

You come across like a dick.

[god. even commander lahn apologized, pull your shit together james. but he does start walking towards mahogany town proper with buddy following close behind. as they approach a diner, he pauses.]

This place any good?

[onebetter]

When I was starving after coming out the mountains yesterday, it was. I'm going to assume my opinion wasn't too misguided.

[ Making vague dry humorous comments counts as establishing a good atmosphere, surely.
And thus, it's time to enter the small establishment. ]

[marmoron]

[the snark practically writes itself, though keith knows better than to give it voice without further provocation. he enters after james, peering around the inside of the cozy diner.]

Looks alright.

[a server comes to greet and seats them at a corner table and leaves them with menus.]

So did you have some kind of epiphany in the mountains about your life? What made you decide you care about getting to know people now?

[onebetter]

[ James stares at the menu, only briefly meeting Keith's eyes to acknowledge that he's heard the question and is engaging in proper conversation. ]

Kind of? The mountains weren't directly related, I'd been musing about it before. Just that a week inside a lonely cave system really makes you miss people more. I miss my friends. My own friends. But they're not here and the people who are here... well, the things I was mad at them for aren't really their fault. Judging by the Christmas mail, a lot of you are still willing to help me out and I should stop pushing those efforts away.