inbox for victory_road

[onebetter]

username: LT.Griffin

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[marmoron]

We fought a war together for years.

[still in that same somewhat flat tone.]

It's not like I spent the war telling everyone to piss off.

[onebetter]

... I guess that's fair.

[ He does not look actually convinced. ]

Guess I didn't think princesses don't really move in with us mere mortals unless they're marrying into the family or something. But then again, I'd never met a princess before. You know the area better than I do.

[marmoron]

[aaaaaaaaand comprehension. it's fortunate that he wasn't drinking anything at the time otherwise james would have been treated to a very unwelcome shower.]

She has her own room!

[that's somewhere a yelp and a hiss. color rises to his cheeks.]

It's not like that, okay?

[onebetter]

[ James smiles bemusedly at the goofy reaction. It's not malicious in nature, it's just hard to remain stonefaced when Keith is offering such an uncharacteristic display. ]

Understood. I was a little quick to assume there - which I'm sure is no surprise, all things considered. Pardon the misunderstanding.

Are you giving up on the gym journey then?

[ He doesn't want to say it, but that's a pretty devastatingly lonely thought. ]

[marmoron]

Yeah? You'd think you'd have learned by now not to assume anything about me.

[god can he just reach over the table and slap the smile off of james. can he do that. keith takes a deep breath, bristling somewhat when the waiter returns with drinks for the table.]

Why does that matter to you?

[onebetter]

I'm just curious.

[ He takes a sip of his drink before continuing, trying to take the edge of with a nice little pause. ]

I kind of liked competing against you on this - in a friendly way, of course. It was just nice being on a comparable level to someone. Motivating.

[marmoron]

[he's a little surprised by that, though it doesn't show much as he sips on his coffee.]

Motivating for what? It's not like you said a word to me after the Aether incident.

[onebetter]

... it's really been a while, huh.

[ More drink-sipping occurs here. It's nice to have an excuse to take little thought breaks in-between talking. ]

Motivating on a general level. Being here really feels so futile and useless that it keeps me going to be doing something with clear goalposts. Knowing you're also doing it, having competition that way, it made it feel less like self-delusion. Gave it a point.

[marmoron]

[there's a lot he could say to this, but instead he has another long sip of coffee.]

I'm challenging the Blackthorn City gym after Shiro's wedding is over.

[to finally answer the question. there's a moment of silence and then:]

You do realize you're allowed to have a meaningful life here, right?

[onebetter]

[ James brightens up at the gym admission, and it absolutely overshadows the existential question that follows after. ]

Looks like we're still same up with the gyms!

[ He's so goddamn pleased by this. What a good rivalry. ]

... and yes, I know. Not being able to remember it after just seems like a major downside.

[marmoron]

[keith honestly has zero clue why janes is so thrilled that they both have seven badges, but he rolls his eyes and moves on.]

Same could be said about life back home. You live, you die, you're not gonna remmeber what you did there either.

[onebetter]

[ James makes a face at that assessment. ]

So according to your philosophy we've been born anew here and once we 'go home' we'll basically die and be reincarnated into our original lives.

That's one way of looking at it.

[marmoron]

[that actually gets a bit of a laugh, the timbre of which is not strictly happy. it's the amalgamation of exasperation and dry amusement.]

Wouldn't have called it a philosophy.

[he sets his coffee down, eyes narrowing as he looks up at james.]

Look. There are people here who've died back home. Everything you're calling futile and pointless? This is it for them. I was wrong to see it the way I did before and I'm tired of inventing reasons not to be happy.

[a beat.]

If you're gonna talk to Allura, do me another favor and don't be so callous with your existential angst.

[onebetter]

Well, I don't generally try to ruin my reputation with people who I don't know well--

[ The casual answer is out before he catches up to the words 'callous' and 'Allura' in the same context. He freezes up completely, and his expression turns to shock. ]

.... no. She's...?

[marmoron]

[the realization that he's said far more than he intended comes a second too late and it leaves keith sighing deeply. not exasperated this time, but just... tired. he glances away, picking his words more carefully.]

She doesn't want anyone to know. I think she's only told Romelle about it.

[and that's okay. it's not his story to broadcast to the world after all, even if it makes talking to the rest of the paladins awkward.]

But ... yeah.

[onebetter]

[ Now that's sobering. She seemed so bright and alive when she came here, and yet... James rubs a hand over his face. ]

... god. I'm sorry.

[ For a moment, all he can be is silent. What is there to say, when it's... ugh. This is awful. This is all so wrong. ]

I won't... I'm not going to say anything. Getting used to not telling anyone anything, but this one I even understand.

[marmoron]

[a part of keith wants to ask why james is even sorry here considering the guy was never particularly close to allura, but it's a thought that fizzles out. instead he goes quiet for a long moment. he hasn't talked about it much -- couldn't really, because nobody else here knows what it was like at the origin and what life was like afterwards.]

Can't save everyone, no matter how much you want to.

[but despite the apparent nonchalance of the words, his hand is balling into a fist.]

[onebetter]

It seems so obvious, but it's still a lesson only truly learned the hard way...

[ James thinks of his mother, for a moment. He still doesn't know what exactly happened to her. He doesn't think he wants to know either. At this point it would only make it worse. ]

I said some awful things to you about your cost in the war. I know we've been over it, but seriously, sorry. Losing one of your team is hard. For a few months I thought I'd lost Lance's sister on one of our missions. We were lucky, she made it, but many others didn't. I know how awful you must feel.

[marmoron]

She's more than just a teammate.

[keith doesn't know exactly where he's going with this correction, but calling her that seems ... clinical.]

She was practically family. She isn't just someone you can replace with a new team member.

[onebetter]

... so more like my mother then.

[ That's worse. For Keith, anyway. For Allura, it doesn't matter what she was to anybody, she's dead all the same. It's depressing no matter how you look at it. ]

Though... my teammates also feel like family to me. If one of them died... I don't want to think it.

[marmoron]

Okay. She is not like my mom.

[just correcting this instantly. don't make it weird, james.]

[onebetter]

.... in terms of emotional significance? Because I lost my mother in the war, you know?

[ WHAT KIND OF WEIRD TURN DID THIS TAKE FOR KEITH............ ]

[marmoron]

[he's going to sigh here.]

Right.

[it takes another moment before his expression stops being as skeptical.]

Don't want to imagine Krolia dying either.

[onebetter]

Better not to.

[ It's horrible when you experience it, why torture yourself with the hypothetical. James shakes his head slowly. ]

Point is, war is horrible. We were all just kids who wanted to go into space once... feels like a lifetime ago.

[marmoron]

...yeah. It really does feel like an eternity's passed since Shiro came to our school, huh.

[really. a lot has happened -- too much for keith to know how to unpack. maybe some of it is just better off never unpacked as well.]

You don't really like Shiro, do you.