onebetter | Inbox for daybreakacademy

[That's not the answer he was expecting. Or at the very least he was expecting a couple of footnotes and conditions tacked onto that. Stupidly, he actually looks up again, expression betraying some of that surprise before his brow furrows again.]

Because it's hard to study when we fight, huh?

[It's not an accusation, his voice is too soft for it.]

... I mean, that's one thing. Fighting is distracting and it sucks when you can't avoid it even within your own room.

[ Keith looks... almost vulnerable this way. James isn't sure if he's seen him look this small since... well, since Keith was actually small. When he came into their class all these years ago, before James learned of his bite in so many ways.

It's weird. It's a little scary, if he's being truthful with himself. James swallows. ]

But also... Well, I recently learned I've been massively unfair to you in the past. I still want to start over.

Why do you care about that?

[Life is inherently unfair. Keith's known this for a long time. It didn't matter that his dad was trying to save people's lives, he still died a horrible death in the process. It didn't matter that Keith was only nine at the time and had nobody else who would take him in if his dad was gone. Just like it didn't matter that he was scared and confused, all he was ever going to be to some people was something that had to be killed on the spot. Keith breathes out, turning his face away.]

You can't make everything right.

[But if he's being honest with himself, it's not like that's ever stopped him from trying in whatever way possible to make things right for himself anyway. With sharp words, with his fists. All the things people don't appreciate.]

Edited 2019-03-26 21:16 (UTC)

[ I can try. It's on the tip of James' tongue along with an inspirational mini-speech about the merits of conviction... but that's not really what this is, is it?]

Maybe not, but you're kind of... part of my life. I wanted to be your friend as a kid and that never happened because I made a mistaken assumption. Seems worth to try and fix a little.

[ He licks his lips very shortly, feeling like he's said too much or spoken too ambitiously.]

I mean, you get on my nerves all the time and I don't know if friends is really what we can be, but good roommates seems doable.

The hell do you want to be friends for?

[The questions blurted a bit incredulously before Keith's given any thought to the sentiments behind it. Perplexed rather than hostile, Keith can't help half wanting to laugh a little humorlessly.]

You're always getting on my case for not doing things your way.

I did say it might not be super likely as we are right now.

[ The clarification comes quick, an addendum needs another second. There is no eye contact as he says it. ]

You're a piece of home though.

[Keith doesn't manage to keep himself from blurting out his thoughts this time either.]

...You're homesick.

[James isn't looking him in the eye, but it doesn't deter him from staring anyway. Technically that's not some grand revelation by any means. In fact, it makes even more sense for James to feel that way than Keith himself does. And yet he still wasn't expecting to feel like they have this one common thread.]

[ Well, the incredulity gets James to pick up eye contact once more.]

Yeah. Is that so shocking?

No, I --

[He breathes out, looking away again. His words are more careful this time.]

Guess I just thought you were having a good time and not thinking about home.

I am having a good time.

[ That's only partially true but that's not for today.]

I just also love Arizona and it's weird and lonely to not go home to any of the places or people I know. Except for you, I guess.

[That meeps Keith quiet for a long moment, grip tightening on the pillow. The words inadvertently strike a weird chord, like something that comes dangerously close to leaving spinters under his armor.

It's weird and lonely to not go home to any of the places or people I know.

Every day.

Every fucking day until he was finally shoved into a group home that couldn't figure out how to legally be rid of him.

He can't have this conversation. Won't have this conversation. Instead, he turns to lie down on his side with his back turned to James, body curled around the pillow.]

...sucks, doesn't it.

... a bit. I miss home.

[ And he can't imagine the kind if missing that Keith has been dealing with for as long as they knew each other. It's only the other's body language that finally reminds him of that.]

You being here makes it better, but yeah. Constant fighting is too much of nostalgia, even then.

Edited 2019-03-26 22:31 (UTC)

[It takes a long moment of silence before Keith responds to this.]

Could you close the curtains?

[Sure it doesn't address the point, but he doesn't think James is going to call him out on that. He's already feeling off and doesn't need anyone else contributing to it.]

Sure.

[ James takes the cue that their little conversation is over. It's been... well, he feels awkward now but he can see that some of these things needed to be said sooner rather than later. Without delay, he follows Keith's requests and closes the curtains before turning his desk light on. Still needs to be able to see his books and all, even when the room is considerably darker like this.

James sits back down with his work. ]

Rest well.

[It's a little better when the moonlight isn't coming directly through the window, though it's largely a placebo type of effect. When little darker and Keith has his eyes closed to block out the rest of the world, it feels as though nobody's going to bother him, which in turn makes staying calm easier. More within reach.]

... thanks.

[He slowly pulls the blanket up and over his head. There's a lot that was said that feels... strange to mull over. Sentiments like being part of home for James is simultaneously easy and difficult to wrap his mind around. Weird. The whole thing is fucking weird.]

Same, I guess.

[Vague contextless muttering.]

Hn?

[ James makes a noncommittal noise of questioning, his brain only catching up to what words Keith said after he's already let it out. 'Same' to what? It takes James another moment to catch up to that and when he does, he's not sure if his conclusion is correct.

If it really is that, if Keith is really referring to the last thing he said.... What a strange thought that'd be, for his presence to give Keith any kind of comfort. For Keith to admit as much. It's the progress that James is aiming for, but more than anything it makes him a little nervous. ]

...oh, I see. Good then.

[ He tacks on lamely, just so Keith doesn't feel pressured into elaborating on something this fragile. James turns back to his books with that, but his focus is gone. ]

[In all reality he probably shouldn't be leaving this up to interpretation. God knows what James thinks they're agreeing on if he thinks this is a good thing, and ugh.

But if the point is to try and stop being at each other's throats, then it'd be better to just keep quiet, isn't it?

Keith sighs audibly.]

Fucked up you mean.

[So maybe he hasn't internalized James' request not to fight, but it's not stated in a combative tone of voice.]

[ James has been staring blankly onto his page before and he continues staring blankly after Keith speaks up again, because all his mind is with their little talk and whatever theoretical magic he is looking at seems very far away right now. ]

Yeah, that too. Because it's us, of all people. I know that.

[ Literally anyone else would be better suited to provide a piece of home to one another, and yet this is somehow so much better than nothing. ]

[His back stays turned to James, continuing to mutter softly under the blanket.]

Yeah. Bet you're really wishing it was literally anyone else in our class here with you, huh.

[And who could blame James for it? Even without all the weirdness surrounding their previous enemy status, nobody really wants to be dealing with a werewolf during a full moon.]

Don't blame you.

[ Likewise, James doesn't turn back to face Keith either. Some conversations are better held when your body is pretending there isn't any conversation at all. ]

Can't deny it'd be nice.

[ Why lie? Keith knows as well as James does that most people from their graduating class are James' actual friends while Keith is... Keith. ]

I don't really think about it though. Seemed too fitting that it'd be you.

["Fitting" isn't exactly what Keith would've called it and it gets a moment's pause before he responds.]

What so you think we're just destined to annoy each other for all eternity or something.

[Curses and shit like that would have made him laugh a couple of months ago, but it's harder to laugh when you know all too well that magic's as real as the air they're breathing. He's never been prone to thinking along these lines, but considering the blight's viewed as a curse to begin with, he just wouldn't be surprised anymore.]

That's one way to put it.

[ James' reply comes without missing a single beat, though he is certainly not thinking of literal curses or anything along those lines. ]

If there was anyone I'd be stuck with after high school, it'd be you.

[ None of the others were even really candidates. Too far removed from the world that James knew he was going to enter eventually. Of course, he's keeping in touch with them and he'll continue to do so into adulthood, but... None of them ever seemed like a possible part of this new world of magic. Keith... Keith meanwhile would worm himself into anything and everything, unchained by rules or expectations. ]

[Keith mulls that one over, half way tempted to ask James what that's even supposed to mean, but then he loses patience with this line of thought entirely.]

Tell Claire you want a room change if you hate it so much.

[Fuck this. Fuck all of this destiny, fate, cursed crap. They don't have to put up with each other if they don't want to.]

[ James lets out a sigh that is almost a groan and softly lets his head thud onto his schoolbook. ]

I don't want to. I want to get along with you, as I just said.

[ It shouldn't be impossible and yet they're already steering back in the direction of arguing. ]

[Back to this familiar song and dance, huh. Despite it all though, Keith just finds himself snapping again.]

I'm just saying if your primary motivation for wanting to get along is just cuz we're stuck in the same room, we literally don't have to be.

[A deep breath. Keith knows it's more than just that. They just talked about this; they were just talking about missing home and finding a fucked up sense of comfort in each other's presence, but the more he thinks about it, the more he hates himself for feeling that way at all.]

Forget it, okay? I've got plenty of better reminders of home than you and so do you.

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