onebetter | Inbox for daybreakacademy

I just said I won't! I just...

Do you mind telling me the full story? I know you won't randomly attack anyone, I know you got it under control, but... I'd just like to know.

[The glaring doesn't stop though. Keith continues to fix James with a sharp look until finally, he bites his lower lip and turns his face towards the window.]

What specifically do you want to know?

If I'm honest? All of it. How long it's been like this, how you dealt with it... everything.

[ Maybe if Keith told him this time, maybe then he'd finally, finally understand him. Yeah, right. ]

But I also realize that's a lot to ask. So, what I think I need to know is... how does it work? Here and now. Do you turn at full moon? How do you transform back? How conscious are you during? That kind of thing.

[The kneejerk desire to correct the statement from "what I think I need to know" to "what you want to know" is difficult to bite back, especially considering how invasive those questions feel. He knows that any roommate of his should probably know those things, but it's easy to tell that Keith doesn't really want to talk about any of this.

A long silence passes between them, and he doesn't make eye contact when he finally breaks it.]

I can change at will. The full moon messes with me a little. A lot. It...uh... [Biting on his lip for a moment.] .. gives me strong urges to be a wolf, but I can usually get through it without turning.

[There's a deep breath as he considers the rest of it.]

I'm not... fully in control when I'm a wolf. It's like tapping into something... I guess, something that's a lot sharper and faster than what I'm used to. Like the wolf part of my mind knows what it wants to do much faster than I do so it doesn't wait for me.

[Frowning, there's another deep breath and this time his staring could bore holes into bedsheet.]

...I don't remember a whole lot about running away from Kisara. Flashes of stuff like sprinting down the mountain. Trees. Bushes. Running into someone familiar.

[ James listens intently, wishing to commit every detail of this to memory. Who knows when this information could get to be useful in the future? For all he's saying that Keith doesn't scare him (which is true), the possibilities of accidents still linger in the back of his mind now, uselessly. Precedent dictates that nothing will ever happen, and yet... ]

So you recognized me, to a degree... I'm glad for that.

[ He recognized him and yet did not attack. No part of Keith, deep down, wants to hurt him anymore. ]

If you ever need help during full moon, distraction or anything... Let me know.

Mm. You smelled kinda -- [AND IMMEDIATE STOP.] Uh, never mind.

[Resting his chin on his knees, he continues.]

I just.. try to sleep it off. I'd appreciate it a lot if you didn't make that hard.

Sure. I can do that.

[ Not like he's usually a very noisy roommate - at least he considers himself to be very unproblematic in that area. ]

... I smelled like what?

[Keeping his eyes trained on his hands, he takes a moment to answer.]

Our room...?

[Which is truthful enough, but it'd been an amalgamation of familiar things like the soap and detergent James uses, as well as the unfamiliar: prey. In truth, it's still a little unsettling.]

... oh, that'd explain it.

[ It doesn't explain why Keith has been this dramatic about answering, but what does James really know about what is and isn't awkward for werewolves? This is all.... very strange still. ]

What does our room smell like to a wolf? They've got better noses and all.

Uh...

[.... of course James has to probe further. Of course.]

Like you... and me, I guess? [Hastily:] Okay what else do you want to know?

[ Sheesh, Keith, why won't you indulge him and let him Find Out What You Smell Like Through A Wolf's Nose! Rude! But alright. ]

You can change into a wolf at will, I got that. How's turning back?

[Quiet and then:]

That one's harder.

[He drags in a deep breath and lets it out slowly, brow furrowed as he looks at James.]

Today was the first time I've been in that form for years. The part of me that's wolf probably thought it'd never get the chance to come out again, so..... it wasn't easy.

[ James stays quiet for a moment. This sounds more than difficult to go through and putting himself in Keith's shoes even in fantasy is distressing. ]

How'd you do it? Is it just... focusing really hard?

[A nod.]

Focus. Having more willpower.

[A beat]

Being a wolf just... feels good, you know? [...] ..well, you don't know. Easy to get lost in that.

[ Imagining to be a wolf feels anything but good, it's mostly just inherently terrifying to James, but once he takes a step back and examines it from a 'nature and instinct' point of view, he thinks he understands what Keith might be getting at. ]

But you have the self-discipline not to. That's pretty admirable.

[He holds eye contact for a moment, but then looks away again swallowing down his initial response.]

You were lucky there was a dragon out there that I wanted to get away from. Don't count so much on my self discipline next time, okay.

[ 'Next time'. What a weird prospect. What a weird likely-yet-unlikely prospect.]

I won't. Anything werewolves hate that'd be useful just on the off-chance something happens?

[He gives this one a little thought before responding, but his expression's not exactly optimistic.]

Look. I've only been a wolf twice my entire life. I don't exactly have a whole lot of experience with things like that.

[It's not a fact he wants to admit to outright. Not to James, not to anyone because he's aware that this sounds nonsensical and it's just going to invite more questions. His shoulders are tense again already.]

If I had to guess... foul smells? Dunno if that'd be a deterrent to attacking though.

[And isn't it just peachy that he's now solidly confident that James is not a foul smell]

[ Twice...? As in, this was the second time? Whoa there. Kudos to Keith on the self-control, once more. This is such a weird situation and James is dying to ask how the first time happened, but he refrains. ]

Better than nothing, if it comes down to it. Though... you barely ever transform, so it is probably not going to be necessary ever.

Probably not.

[Or at least, he thought he could skate by with just his flame abilities, but he's less sure of being able to get through Nightfall without relying on his wolf form to some extent. Of course, there is also the option of simply not running away from threats and well.... maybe he can train up to get to the point where he doesn't have to.

There's a pause and then:]

What are you even doing on my bed.

[ ... oh, right. They're still closely placed side by side. Keith has considerably calmed down from his erratic state to notice and point out like this, so that's nice at least. ]

Solidarity. This conversation would not have rung the same from across the room.

[At any other time, Keith might've shot him an incredulous look and countered with a "how is your stupid body being close to mine supposed to contribute to a better atmosphere" but this time, he doesn't. It'd been nice that James hadn't run from the room to tell Claire that he wanted a new roommate. It'd been nice that he wasn't acting like he was diseased and needed to be physically avoided. But still, he can't let James have that point. At least not in full.]

Well get off before I bite you anyway.

[ James raises his eyebrows at that. ]

No gratitude around here. I'm not scared of your human biters either.

[ Yet, he stretches his legs out, preparing to slip off the bed with deliberate slowness. ]

[Keith watches James slowly start to peel himself off the bed, eyes trained more on the other's arm than anything else. Finally, after a few seconds he reaches out, obviously hesitant, as he places his hand on James' shoulder.]

... thanks.

[ The touch is unexpected and makes James stop in his movement completely in order to simply look at Keith. This is.... fairly new, between them. Maybe they've gotten another step closer to a real bond? He doesn't want to be hopeful, but he smiles. ]

Thank you for telling me, really.

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